I"m durnk so let's tell a story,

Yes I ran into COugar again whatr of it

She bought me a drink

What the fuck

Tucked a wad of cash itno my shirt like some cheep ass hooker. Who the fuck does he think she is anyway all up with her fucking sweet as shit perfume all fucjfikg liillies and rosemary.
jegus I'm cursing a lot tonight must be th booze

she'd be a goddamn agnel if she wasn't COBBPLETELY INSANE

compelety*

completey**

fuck

fuck

I can't type in the dark how the hell did I mange this in a HURRICANE
anyway i'm going nowhere fast (don't thihk i don't see you creepin' Dr. Stalktopus0 so what the hey. I might as well tell a sotry.

Sometimes I wondrr if she's not just playing games with me or somehting an then I realize yeah, she's playing wit you you fucking idiot. You're the gazelle to her cougar. The horny college kid to her experienced, kinky as hell middle-aged dominatrix single mom.


There are cougars in africa, right?

Acutally that metaphors's pretty much spot on. DOn't think she's got kids, though. I'd feel sorry for the por bastards who grew up under that chick's roof.

So anyway I was going to tell you a story fo some shit. Remember how I mentioned that I stuck at home for a while before shit went to hell? Yeah well most brillitant fucking move ever. We're bordering on fuckin - fuckin hold your fire there are no life forms levels of brilliant here.

So I meet this chick - this ridicuously insane chick - and she tells me we're oging to play cat and mouse. Cool. Whatevr.r I've had this rant before and I can already feel my blood bpoiling again so let's just skip to the part where Reynard is a fucking idiot for the second time since his life divided itself into Before and GogDamnitInEedAnotherDrink. So a week passes of me standing at attention in the lviing room with Moira at my side and watching each and every window like a fucking hawk. I don't sleep. M'parents think I"m up playing Skyrim or StarCraft or anythng that isn't doing my work and I spend the days sleeping when I know they're home, but I'm jumpy as all fuck and apparently I"ve started talking ot myself. Whatever. Cool. Insanity. I can dig it.

So two weeks of fuck and all come and go and i started sleeping again

Wait have I todl you this part

Shit I think I have

So eventually I spill to my parnets. Yeah they're pretty pissed but they sign me up for councelling right away and eventually I get it through my thick fucking skull that it's all just an 'acute stress hallucination' and I get some time off of school and work. Pay no mind ot the shadows shifting in the corner of your eye or the fact thata every blonde you come across looks exaclty like the angel of fucking death youv'e learned to associate high heels and gold curls and blue eyes with.

A couple months pass and I haven't shaken it. Save up to head to school again, get a ton of cash in my pockets. Take up a couple jobs. 'Course I tell the 'rents its for school but I know deep down I still see the tentacled basyard like some low-budget hentai film and her goddamn grin every time I close my eyes, flawless fucking white teeth without a smudge of the cherry red gloss of her lips.

So just when I'm pretty happy with my life again I hear a thump and the sound of heels on ceramic tiles in my kitchen

My first thought is who the hell breaks into a house in hells?


Then it hits me

Well fuck.


And I was doign so good, to.

"Hello hello hello, little moth!"


No.


"I see you haven't done too much since we first met."


NO.


"I gave you a head start, didn't I?"


no no fuck no this isn't happening nononononononononoonnonononono


"And here I was running around the state like you might have actually done something in my time away!"


She siiiighs and it's a sharp breathe of spearmint that collides with her soft prefume and just tastes wrong and before I can even wind up my swing to knock out of some those pervfect teeth (and whtaa damn shame that'd've been) she's pushed her waytooexposed tits right into my face and planted a kiss on my chin GOGDAMNIT I hate this women


"Maybe you just missed us?"


it's prtety obvious who she'd referrring to and for a seocnd i kind of want to sayyes. SHe's pouting and it makes her full lips look even fuller and despite the OBVIOUSLY CRZY vibes I"m getting off of her I can't really fins any reason to pull away. I think hey, dying here in't too bad. if my choic ewas running for my life or dying in a ditch somewhere as opposed to being shot in the head while suffocating in breasts I think I'd rather take the latter.

She's storking my hair as she speaks now. "You're not a very bright little moth, are you?"


No, no obviously I'm FUCKING NOT sititng here convtemplayting drowning in your lacy 32Ds. She talks to herself - no wait I think its' to me but I'm to transfixed on her eveyrthing to notice - before the words burn your house down come form her mouthn. All I do is gawk.

"...Wha... what?"


She laughs, a harpy ringing silver bells. At oen time she miht've had a laugh as nice as the rest of her but she's gone roten to the core and everthing;'s tunred ugly as a result, The crazy look is back in her eyes and somehow sh'es brandishing a lighter that I didn't see before and tests it on my arm

Lucky the rents aren;t home otherwise my screem wouldce woken them up.

"Just like that, only it'll be your faux-lather sofas instead of your arm, little moth. Have I made myself clear?"


From my postiong writhing on the dloor, I manage to nod.

"Good. You have one week before this all goes up in smoke, dear."


The ligter clatters to the groud beside me. It's been engraved:

Love always,
Cougar


I grab ti, blinded by the teras of pain in my eeys and try to throw it bac =k at her.

"Don't disappoint me."


The door slams and the lighter just manages to sail thourhg, landing beside her foot as she leaves.

When I go back to my bedroom, the same lighter is stitting on my night table.

One week, huh?


I left three days later. Told my prnets I was going to 'find myself.' Haven't een back since.